Op Ed 2
My Mental Health Throughout the COVID-19 Pandemic
The day I begin to write this Op Ed, March 11, 2021, is the first time I am able to see my Bubbe (grandma) in over eight months, let alone take a step inside her apartment (13 months). The first thing she says to me is, “Gosh Jackie, you look tired!”
Two weeks to the day after her second dose of the COVID-19 vaccine, I hopped on the first Amtrak from Illinois Terminal in Champaign to Union Station in Chicago that I could just so I could see her and get the “break” from school that I needed.
It is a known fact that humans can’t cope well while being isolated, whether it be from family and friends or frankly just life in general. I was no exception to this fact. When the COVID-19 pandemic began to explode in March 2020, I and so many others had to leave behind a life that we took for granted and take a step into a whole new reality. At the time I was a senior in high school, getting ready for my last athletic season ever. I had thought that the last seven months of rehab from my second hip surgery in two years would have been worth it had the season not been cancelled the day before I got cleared. Or the prom dress that I was never able to go shopping for since we never knew if it was actually going to happen (spoiler alert: good thing we bought one instead for $20 that i’d only wear in my ex boyfriends backyard once).
Eventually I got over the premature ending to my high school experience (not really), and I began this new adventure called “college”. As great as it was going to a university that actually took the pandemic seriously, it never made up for the fact that I wouldn’t have the experience that I was expecting. College is already draining for young adults but when you add in all of the extra responsibilities that come with keeping yourself and others safe and eLearning, it starts to become too much.
Not even two weeks into the fall semester was the first time I had been exposed to COVID. I remember it was super sunny the entire two weeks, but it was formal recruitment for panhellenic so I would have been glued to my computer all week anyways. As the semester went on, I would see students come and go as they pleased from home to campus and back and to other college campuses and could feel nothing but envy and jealousy. Had I contracted COVID and brought it home to my family, my mom could have contracted it and she could be fighting for her life as I type this Op Ed. I didn’t think my feelings that I can’t yet put into words could get any worse, until spring semester came around.
The chancellor had announced that he will be cancelling spring break for all students and would “graciously” give us three random days off throughout the semester to give us a break from our studies. Well guess what Mr. Chancellor, Thanks for nothing. Thanks for claiming that you care for our well being and that you care about more than just our grades which make the university look good. Haha.
By the time my therapist began her maternity leave three weeks ago was when I hit my breaking point. My time in USA Gymnastics had told me that all of my thoughts and feelings were just fake and they showed weakness which was forbidden to show the judges.
So yes, my Bubbe was right. I was very tired. Tired of the pressure of being Pre-Med, tired of bottling up my feelings just so I could turn in one last assignment before my next zoom started. Tired of staying up all night but still being behind in all of my classes. Tired of staring at my computer more than staring into my friends eyes watching the tears of joy stream down her face as she recounted a funny story from a few hours ago.
One mental health day a month would not undo my sleep deprivation and make all of the pain of the pandemic away despite mine and my families health being spared by a virus that has killed over half a million Americans.
The COVCourse lecture given by Tara Powell and Karen Tabb Dina did however remind me that all of these feelings are normal whenever someone, especially a young person, is faced with such a trauma. The speakers compared what students are going through right now to what people in Louisiana went through after Hurricane Katrina in 2005. The death and destruction for them may not be as massive as the pandemic currently is right now but it nevertheless affected everyone of all ages.
Aside from the young people in the United States, another age group that is affected significantly but the pandemic is our elder population. With age comes more complex health issues and weaker immune systems, two things COVID-19 does a very good job at using to its advantage. This in and of itself, has forced hundreds of thousands of old people into self-isolation without their family members, friends, or necessary caregivers to help them maintain their happiness and independence as they continue to live their lives to the fullest.
In the past few weeks, I have been given the opportunity to remind Champaign-Urbana’s elder and homebound populations that this too shall pass and that the worst is behind us. Alongside CRIS Healthy Aging Center in Urbana, I am able to call people who may have difficulty receiving information regarding the COVID vaccine and with scheduling their appointment. I hear the happiness and excitement in their voices when I tell them that I volunteer with an organization that will help give them necessary shots so that they can go back to living their lives. I can only imagine how they must feel knowing that this pandemic is almost over and soon they will be able to see their families again.
The positivity in their voices is part of the reason that I have been able to get through my most recent bout of midterms, which when I think about it now, who cares about that one test that I wish I did better on or that paper I wanted to proofread one more time. We are still here and we are still going strong. Even if we don’t feel like we are 100% of the time.